What love means to me.

Love. 

A four-letter word that holds so much authority and its volume is loud. I have always been one to love others easily, and show them I care, but have I actually been one to want love? Am I scared of it? Am I scared to receive it? Love seems like this big commitment and it seems like forever. Forever is scary but why am I scared of forever with God?

I feel like in this world our desire is to fall in love with someone and start this new life with them. We plan this picture perfect life and don’t care what it takes to get there, as long as you find your significant other right? We don’t realize but over time we change ourselves in order to be loved, or we change our appearances because we aren’t up with society’s new version of “perfect”. I guess that’s why love scares me. Growing up I wasn’t necessarily showered in love. I wasn’t talked to like a young girl should’ve been. I’ve been mentally abused and talked down to by someone who should have treated me like this unique rare gem. My definition of being loved was different from everyone else’s because of what I’ve been through.

It’s taken me awhile to know what real love is. Not just the love you hear in the movies or the love you read about in fairytales. I’m talking about the Love that is so rare and can only be found deep down inside of you. Yes others can give you a certain type of love but this love is so special because God planted that in you. He gave me this spark of hope because I trusted him even when I couldn’t even tell if there was a tomorrow. He helped me love myself even when I felt the most hated. What’s so unique about God’s love is that it’s between you and him only. I stopped allowing myself to only feel loved by my appearance or the relationship I had with others when God reminded me that I’m his daughter and I’m worthy even when I can’t please those around me.  

He is the soulmate that I desire to fall in love with. He is the one who calls me to boldness while I take a step of faith to pursue him more and more. The catch is I don’t have to change anything about myself to make him happier, but yet all I need to do is be my true self, and that’s what is so beautiful about this love. 

I see baggage when it comes to loving me. I see so many issues within that it becomes heavy and difficult to carry. I see so many wrong things with loving me but God doesn’t. He carries the burden off my shoulders and walks me in grace. He wants to love me even if it absolutely terrifies me. He is my forever love. He is my soulmate.

God is love.