The end to a sweet chapter.

Well, here we are. 

I’ve been avoiding typing this blog for weeks because I never wanted to accept the reality of the situation. Gap D was supposed to only go home for 10 days for Thanksgiving break, but those 10 days turned into 6 weeks at home. If you’ve read any other racers blog about this situation, this one is a little different because I’m gonna tell it from my POV.

It was our first day off the AIM campus with total freedom to go wherever we wanted. A couple of squadmates and I went to Waffle House, got covid tested (so we could serve with Samaritans Purse), and we got Dunkin of course:) Then we went and dropped our sweet friends off at the ATL airport and said our “see ya laters!”. After that, Brooklyn and I got a hotel to rest up for our big drive tomorrow. For those who don’t know our squad had the opportunity to serve in Louisiana with Samaritans Purse TWICE during our first three months of the race. We were blessed to help homeowners whose homes were damaged from Hurricane Laura & Delta, which involved hands-on ministry and also connecting with Homeowners. Brooklyn and I felt The Lord call us back to Louisiana during thanksgiving break, which meant us waiting until Christmas break to see our families. Instead of our normal Thanksgiving, we were going back to where we knew God wasn’t done yet. So we drove little old “Betty” (my car) 14 hours to Deridder, LA. We were able to work on a couple of houses and were blessed to serve for 2 days before we got news of there being covid outbreaks in our squad. Soon enough over half of Gap D tested positive for Covid. This led to Samaritan’s Purse doing the right thing and having to kick us off the camp (to limit exposure).

I’m not going to sugarcoat anything, being so far away from home and not knowing where to go was hard. I was stressed about my car making it home and potentially having covid and all of the things. Both of our parents helped us figure out what to do next and eventually we both ended up going home. After driving 12 hours the following day I got home around midnight and immediately was just overwhelmed. I had been living out of a backpack for 3 months and came home to a room full of JUNK, and having things that I grew used to not having. It was also the first time I had been alone in 80 days. I always had people around me, I mean I did have 40 roommates… I was sitting in a room that the last time I was in, I was a completely different person. I had changed so much in Georgia that being home became uncomfortable for me. I thankfully tested negative for covid, but still had to quarantine which became a time where I shut down. 

On Friday, November 27th we got an email that just wrecked me. “Dear Racers…” That’s how you know it’s an email filled with not so good news. Due to the Covid outbreak in 2 different squads we weren’t returning to Georgia anymore, we were finishing the semester virtually. This was so hard for me because I wouldn’t get to spend any more time with the Team Leaders (who I grew so close to), I wouldn’t get to enjoy all of the fun things planned for our return, and I wouldn’t get to see my Gap D family for so long. I wasn’t expecting to be home for Thanksgiving, let alone for 6 more weeks. That’s what is so hard about being a Christ-follower, you have to trust his timing. So far I’ve been home for 18 days and it hasn’t been the easiest. I’ve gotten so used to the “Georgia Hailey” that I’m not ready to bring that home with me. I’ve allowed the enemy to rob me of everything I’ve learned and how much I’ve grown and not show that to others around me back home. I’ve become shut down because all I want to do is go back to Georgia. Like I said before I’m not here to sugarcoat anything, this is real and raw. 

I would beat myself up for crying because I felt like missing Georgia was a stupid reason to be sad. I wouldn’t allow myself to feel those hard emotions because I felt overdramatic, but that’s when the Lord reminded me that Grief is real. It’s the response to a loss. People often think grief is only after someone passes but you are allowed to grieve many more things in life. Certain seasons in life come and go and Georgia is one of those that I had to grieve. I had to learn to let go of trying to control circumstances I have no control over. I was allowed to cry and feel sad because Georgia was the best 3 months of my life. I was redeemed by the father and made new. He reminded me that I am a DAUGHTER of the highest king, I am crowned with an insane amount of love, forgiveness, and JOY !!! I am a woman of courage and boldness whose heart is on FIRE for the lord. I am a daughter who has an insane amount of joy, I am all of these things because he speaks that over me !!!

I am allowed to cry over this chapter closing because I became the person who I’ve always wanted to be. The powerful words I’ve declared over myself are things sophomore year Hailey would never see coming. I dealt with major depression growing up and have dealt with addictions that held chains over me for years. This is the Hailey I’ve been waiting for, this is the Hailey who was able to break those chains and speak truth over herself. Georgia impacted my life in SO many dang ways !!! There is a never-ending list of things the Lord taught me, and my journal entries are so evident that I’m just getting hungrier for more and more of his word. All I can do is smile so big that it hurts because this is the season of truth. I challenge you to ask God what this season has been for you and sit with him. His timing may not line up with ours but you have to learn how to trust. It isn’t going to be easy, but he never said it was. My 3 months in Georgia are officially over and as I go into this next season of ministry with Gap D in Costa Rica the lord reminds me of this.

This chapter is closing but this isn’t the end of my story.

He is always going to have the greater plan, don’t be afraid to walk even if you can’t see what’s ahead.

Thank you for all of the support over the past year of prayer and fundraising. I still need to fundraise close to $5,000 before my deadline of $15,600 on January 15th. If you feel led to donate you can donate through my blog site or Venmo me: hns003

Thank you all so much!